I like you, you are pretty

For the most part, my days in China are fairly unmemorable. I wake up, browse the web, drive to work, eat noodles, work, come home, find an excuse not to work out and sleep. However, there are certain instances, such as this weekend, where I have such a crazy time, I step back and think "only in Wuhan"


See the Chinese guy in the photo? If you asked me what his name was, I couldn't tell you. If you asked, who is he? I couldn't tell you. All I can tell you is that throughout the weekend, we kept on calling him Mr. Awesome.

Let me start from the top...on Thursday night, I got a phone call from Mar that went exactly like this:

Mar: Hey, what are you doing this Saturday?
Me: Haven't thought that far ahead, why?
Mar: There is a wedding on Saturday night about an hour out of town, they'll send us a car, pay for our hotel room and of course, take care of all the food. Want to come?
Me: Whose wedding is this?
Mar: We don't know, all we know is that they want foreigners there
Me: Uh
Mar: Come on, it'll be fun
Me: Uh, this isn't a good idea, but okay

Before I knew it, I found myself in a suit getting into a mini-van at the the Shangri-La. I turn to my friends and go "someone please fill me in"

A friend of a friend invited my friend to a wedding somewhere outside Wuhan. The guy asked my friend if he had any foreigner friends who would be interested in attending as well. This isn't as weird as you think...Chinese people invite foreigners to business meetings to up the "prestige" factor. These foreigners, preferably white, don't speak a word of Chinese and are basically shown as a trophy object...kind of a way to demonstrate to the other side on how powerful and worldly Party A is. Apparently this wedding party wanted to show off how awesome they are so they felt it was necessary to invite some foreigners.

Some people would have a problem being paraded around like a zoo animal. Me? not so much. especially if it's a free thing to do.

At the last minute, my friend's friend couldn't attend the wedding so we found ourselves in a van with 4 other people driving to a wedding where the 3 foreigners didn't know a single person. Actually, that's putting it mildly, we didn't even know where we were going. We drove for about 90 minutes, stopped in some small town and were herded into a restaurant. After being shuffled into a private room, about 20 people stopped talking and looked at us. We smiled, waved and were promptly seated at our table. In our group of 3 foreigners, one person speaks decent Chinese, one speaks none (and honestly can't even use chopsticks) and then me, a person who can just barely manage.

It was the night before the wedding and to my surprise, we were seated at the groom's table because apparently we were in his party. That's right. We were in the groom's party. Never mind that we didn't know a single person at the wedding or that we had just met the groom for the first time that evening...we were in his party. Is this what hot girls always feel like? Just constantly wanted and desired? Let me tell you, I kind of liked the attention.

Through the course of the evening, we ate, ate and than ate some more. After a while, some baijiu was brought out and that's when the night got interesting. Russians have vodka, French have wine, Koreans have soju, Americans have Bud...Chinese have baijiu. This is quite possibly the craziest alcohol you can drink. I've had Everclear and 151....those have a lot more alcohol but are WAY BETTER than baijiu. The NY Times tasting notes for baijiu, from a non-Chinese person's pespective, is "paint thinner, rubbing alcohol and diesel fuel" I wouldn't disagree.

After several rounds, the groom's uncle looks at me, starts talking in Chinese and eventually points to my hair. I asked what he was saying. The uncle apparently said "I like you, you are very pretty" He then started talking about my hair and how nice it is. Well now I know, Chinese like my nose and my hair. Who knew that would be my selling points? I don't understand why older men have a thing for me. I clearly am very marketable to that crowd but I'm totally missing the entire 20s something girl demographic.

After a while, the guy grabbed a girl and asked us what we thought of her. Me and other guy said we thought she was pretty (because really, what else can you say?) The uncle scoffs and goes "no, not at all. She's not pretty, there is not one pretty thing about her and she's also fat" Keep in mind, this is right in front of her. We burst out laughing and after that, his unofficial name became "Uncle Awesome". After dinner, we went to the groom and bride's new apartment which, was a penthouse overlooking the city. The couple hadn't moved in yet and left it to their parents to decorate. It looked like a cross of Alice in Wonderland and Graceland. If it were anywhere else in the world, I'd say it was insanely tacky and kitschy but in China, just how nouveau riche roll.

I was honestly pumped in the morning because this would be my first Chinese wedding. The first order of business was for the groom to drive to the bride's house and take her. We went to the groom's house and found a motorcade of Audis. He jumped into his Q7 and we hopped into the 9th A6 in the line. Before we could start, someone lit a huge line of firecrackers. I'm not talking about a couple of crackers, I mean about 10 feet of firecrackers, tightly wound. The rationale is that you need to scare the evil spirits away. I don't know if we succeeded but I do know that my ears are still ringing. When we got to the bride's house, we had even more firecrackers. This went on for a solid 10 minutes. It was crazy. It's not like the U.S. where people are smart about firecrackers and fireworks. They were going off EVERYWHERE. I got pelted in the head with some crackers and after a while, I found it hard to breathe because of all the smoke. Keep in mind, I work in a chemical factory...smells don't easily overwhelm me.

So there were 4 doors at this place and the groom and the groom's party had to fight their way through each door to get to the bride. The first gate was easy enough, we threw candy into the air and a bunch of other stuff. After a few minutes of fun, we made it through. Second door...more or less the same thing with more firecrackers of course. The third door was a bit more philosophical. It was the bride's grandma and parents. How did the groom win them over? By handing them bricks of money and bowing. When I say brick, I mean a real-size brick of cash. Must of been a solid 3,000 USD in each brick.

The 4th door is the hardest because that's where the bride was. How did the groom break down the human barrier at the next door? He threw dozens of envelopes into the air. In a split second, everyone leaped into the air or dove to the ground to get an envelope. What was in the envelope? Piles of money! After we broke through, the bride got to play a game and pretty much dictate the groom to do whatever she wanted. One of the things was for the groom to kiss her for 10 seconds. I like her style.

After that, we went back to their new penthouse and took some pictures. Shortly after, we went to the hotel for the ceremony and reception. The one thing that really caught me off guard is how westernized the wedding was. The bride was wearing a western wedding dress and there was plenty of English music playing throughout the ceremony. The ceremony took a few minutes and then we got to hear speeches and got to the food.

I gotta say, I kind of like Chinese weddings because they're straight to the point. Hindu weddings are super long and most people aren't even paying attention during the ceremony. Christian weddings are kind of boring...if it's Catholic, it's kind of depressing and other types...way too short. Muslim weddings are short but uneventful. All those weddings are so serious and somber. I realize it's an important day but during the ceremony, who is honestly having fun? Chinese ceremonies are short and just seem to be very festive. I liked how the ceremony and reception kind of blended into one big event...kept the day lively.

There were a solid 400 people at this wedding and as the 3 foreigners, we were clearly a novelty. People kept on coming up to us and asking for photos. We probably took several dozen photos. Even the waiters asked for photos with us! Remember those envelopes of money I mentioned earlier? After lunch, people kept on handing them out and since I was on the groom's side, I got handed a nice thick envelope. There was a lot of other stuff that happened over the weekend, but I just can't cover it all. The over-stimulation is probably how an LSD addict feels like.

On a bit more of serious note, this is the stuff I love about China. It's easy to say that the concept of inviting foreigners is weird but I think that's a bit unfair. Some people invite foreigners just to up the "prestige" factor but I think these people, in particular, invited us because they were curious and wanted to learn more about our lives. That's the thing about the Chinese, on the streets, they seem incredibly rude and brusque but once you enter into someone's circle, they treat you like family. I could call any one of the people I met this weekend and they would do anything I ask for them. Can you cook me some food? Sure. Can you help find me an apartment? Of course. I realize anyone who has lived abroad would say the same about the country they lived in, but I honestly do think the Chinese are the friendliest people in the world. Sure, other cultures are very welcoming but they still treat you like a guest. The Chinese go above and beyond because they treat you like family.

So to recap the blogpost...people I don't know drove me to and from a city, invited me to wedding, made me part of the groom's party, paid for my hotel, fed me, AND gave me gifts & money. Needless to say, I'm going to try to go to a wedding every weekend.