How many girls have you made sexy time with?

I have no privacy anymore.

I realize the irony of my statement, considering I'm stating it on a blog but I don't consider my blog to be the culprit since I voluntarily disclose information.

The loss of my privacy, which is primarily my fault, is driven by my lack of independence in Wuhan. Since I can't speak Mandarin, there are a lot of things I can't do. Sure, I can manage to shop for food at Carrefour/ Wal-Mart, point at food at restaurants and type in the address on my GPS device...but for almost everything else, I need help. When I wanted to join a gym, Ariel came over and helped me sign up. When I wanted to buy an air purifier, Sharon helped me shop for one since I can't read the signs.

If my requests stopped there, no big deal...they were just random favors anyone would do. However, that's not where things stopped and because of my lack of Mandarin and my office’s penchant for gossip, my life has become an open book.

To be blunt, I’m viewed as a novelty in the Company. I’m obviously very different from everyone in my office; in addition, I also lead a very different lifestyle from my co-workers. Because of these factors, everyone is curious about what I’m up to.

Ariel negotiated my rent for me and Mickael haggled over the price of my car. Within hours of me renting my apartment and buying my car, everyone in my Company knew exactly how much I am paying. When I say my Company, I don't just mean the international sales team in Wuhan...I mean the finance and operations department at our factory as well...which is 300 miles away.

I dismissed the rent and car episodes; after all, Chinese people love talking about money. Not a big deal. However a few weeks ago when I went to Jingmen to get my driver's license, I discovered how quickly even the most trivial gossip about me, spreads around our Company.

Since I have a foreign license, I just had to get an eye exam and take the written portion of the driving exam. The eye exam was easy enough, since no one could understand my accent, they just clicked "Pass" when I attempted to read the eye chart. For the record, I could read the bottom row!

The written test was much more difficult. Although they managed to find an English version of the exam, the rule book was in Chinese. I failed twice before I finally got the minimum score of 90%. Within minutes of failing my first test, I got a call from someone in the office laughing at me. Keep in mind, that person is 300 miles away. Apparently, the office driver wanted to keep people updated about my progress and called several people each time I took the exam.

In another instance, I went out to dinner with the President of the JV and Ariel. Through the course of dinner, the President and I each had 3 beers...I thought nothing of it. However, the next morning when I walked into work, everyone complimented me on how much I can drink and Mr. Mou even challenged me to a drinking contest. (On a side note, never participate in a drinking contest with a real Chinese person…you will always lose.)

I’m not frayed by any of this. I’ve gotten used to notion that in China, there is no such thing a question which is too personal or inappropriate. I’ve been asked how much money I make and how many girls I’ve “made sexy time with” A westerner would be horrified by either question and would think it is rude but that’s misinterpreting the situation. Chinese people do not mean to be intrusive…when they talk to a foreigner, it’s a chance for them to get more exposure to the outside world. They automatically view you as a friend and think it is completely reasonable to ask personal questions. You might have only known them for 10 minutes but in their mind, you’re best friends for life. Once you get accustomed to how open and direct people are, it actually becomes quite refreshing.

Completely shifting topics, I have started driving my car. I know I blogged about my car in June but it's been sitting in my garage since the end of May for several reasons, primarily because I'm an idiot. Most people get their driving license first, then buy a car, register it and get insurance. Due to my weird travel schedule, I first bought the car, waited 3 weeks to register it, an additional week to get insurance and then finally, got a driver’s license.

There were a lot of debacles in my journey of getting a car…to make a long story short, registering my car, getting insurance in a timely manner and getting a driving license was one of the most frustrating things I have encountered. I literally spent 6 or 7 full days visiting government offices to get everything in order. While it was painful, there were a few insightful moments.

In several instances, I was the first foreigner to file paperwork at that office so the office manager would get really excited and ask that I pose for several photos. In one office, I spent 10 minutes posing for photographs while I got "helped" by a government employee. Apparently, one office is planning on putting up a photo of me. It's one thing if I were in a small town but Wuhan, which is one of the largest cities in the country, has a population of 10 million+. As much as you here about China taking over the world, it struck me that people were so amazed to see a foreigner. It kind of reiterates that China still has a long way to go in terms of opening up to the world.

Another thing I picked up is how useful cigarettes are. My mom will be ashamed; but I've started to buy cigarettes. Unlike 50% of the men in China, I don't smoke but I buy packs now because handing out a few cigarettes or a pack really facilitates things in China. Through the course of all the paperwork for my car, I bought a solid 4 cartons of smokes so I could hand them out to people. I noticed a few minutes after giving an officer a pack, my paperwork would suddenly jump to the top of the heap and be approved. Unlike America where everyone smokes Marlboro or Camels, there are hundreds of brands in China. Just like my blog about cars, there is a hierarchy with cigarettes as well. Your brand says a lot about you and people will judge you based off of what you smoke. I buy two brands...one for important people and another for office workers. Since I can't give women cigarettes, I bought the next best thing according to my co-workers...milk. Don't ask me, I don't understand it either.

I’m glad to report that I’m all set with my car. My timing couldn’t be better, it’s rainy season in China so it’s nearly impossible to get a taxi. You might be curious, after 4 long months of searching for a car, haggling over a price, running around to get insurance and wasting days in government offices, where did I go on my very first day of freedom from taxis?

I drove for 10 miles, which took me 60 minutes from my office in traffic to go to Papa Johns, spent 35 dollars on 2 large pepperoni pizzas and drove 90 minutes back to my apartment. I sat on my couch and ate my pizza while watching Freaks & Geeks.

I'm living the dream.

There are major floods in China and Wuhan is being affected. Over 700 people have been killed and the river continues to rise everyday. See that big metal thing, on bottom right? The natural river bank is a solid 30 feet BEHIND it! You can't judge by this picture but the river has risen a solid 15 feet.