Vijay tries to make friends...Vijay fails, repeatedly

There are some people who you can place in a room full of strangers, spin them around a few times and they'll somehow turn into the life of the party.

I am not one of those people.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-social. According to Facebook, I've managed to accumulate at least 449 friends over the years. At worse, people will say I'm a decent person to hang out with and most will attest I'm a welcome addition to any night out. So what's the problem? If you ask any of my friends who we met, not a single one will say 'Vijay came up to me, introduced himself and we started talking" A more likely answer will be that we were introduced through mutual friends or my personal favorite "Vijay stood in a group of people until someone acknowledged his presence."

That's the problem, I'm great making friends if someone vouches for me but I suck at it if I've left to do the heavy lifting by myself. In the past, this wasn't a big issue for me. In 6th grade, I met my childhood friends because one of them threw a baseball into my backyard. College was even easier...during the first quarter, everyone is nice and tries to make as many friends as possible. Even the weird guy on my floor who dressed like Indiana Jones had someone to eat lunch with every day. At Key, I was in an analyst program so I instantly had 25 friends...we basically re-lived freshmen year, instead of showing up to a house party with 25 people, we'd all go to the bars instead.

While I managed the first 24 years fairly well, the first cracks in my friendship making ability became evident when I moved to San Francisco. I got lucky because Sara got transferred at the same time so at least I had one close friend but she lived in the suburbs for work while I was in downtown. As it ended up, I actually knew a few other people but I kept on running into the issue that the few people I knew lived outside the city. I decided to be more proactive in making friends, so I got on facebook and messaged a girl who I hung out with while we studied abroad in Hong Kong. I quickly sent her a message explaining I had just moved to the city and noted that we actually worked within a few blocks of each other and should meet up sometime for drinks. I clearly didn't leave her with a good impression because she sent me a very terse e-mail "Good for you"

I think it would have been less painful if she ignored my message.

All of this led to me asking Vidya my 2nd most infamous question..."Vidya, how do I make friends?"

Although I did have a shaky few months, I eventually gained momentum and managed to have lots of fun in San Francisco. When I moved to India, I hung out with Harsha's friends, so no problem at all.

Which brings me to Wuhan...as everyone knows, I moved here earlier this year. Every time I talk to people on FB or on the phone, people inevitably ask me "What do you do in your spare time?"

First, let me give you a bit more of a background. I moved here in mid-March and spent 3 weeks getting my life together (i.e. finding an apartment, filing the proper paperwork, working on occasion) As soon as I settled down, I was shipped back to India for a few weeks. By the time I got back, I spent 3 weeks in China before I went to the U.S. for vacation. When I got back to China, I spent several weeks traveling around the country...so basically, I consider that I've only been in Wuhan since the middle of June. Now an astute reader will think..."it's August 8th, what have you been doing for the last 2 months?"

Good question.

As I've abundantly made clear, I rely on my friends introducing me to their friends...this is sort of a problem in Wuhan because I came here without knowing a single person. So my first crutch is gone...second, I can't just go out and meet people at random events because I don't speak a word of Chinese.

Luckily, I found out there was a website for expats in Wuhan, so I figured it would be easy enough to meet people. However, I quickly realized that Wuhan had just enough expats that they're not all forced to huddle together and not nearly enough to establish the critical mass required for regular gatherings. To make it even more interesting, expats in Wuhan are broken down into 2 groups....20 somethings who are attending university or teaching english and professionals who are in their 30s/40s. As you can see, I don't fit into either groups.

In my first attempt to go out, I tried a Belgium Restaurant near my house. I sat down at a table and noticed several young foreigners sitting nearby. After a while, I overhead them talking about the Simspons, which is always a comforting sign. Then out of nowhere, one guy started making fun of Cleveland. I figured, this was a perfect in, so I commented to them that I'm from Cleveland. They turned around and we chatted from our respective tables, I found out one of the guys grew up in Cleveland...which is incredibly random. I remembered thinking to myself "there, it's not so hard to make friends" but after a few minutes, the conversation hit a natural lull and they all turned back to their table.

Just.Like.That.

Attempt #1: Fail

In my second attempt to go out, I decided to visit an Irish Pub for the opening ceremonies of the World Cup. I knew there would be a lot of expats so I figured making friends would be like shooting fish in a barrel. As I was leaving my office to go home that Friday, Sharon told me the entire office was taking our cook and his wife out to dinner...not a big deal, still plenty of time before the 10 PM ceremony. However, over dinner, Mr. Mou challenged me to a drinking contest, which I refused...then the cook challenged me. To make a long story short, after a bottle of Chinese whiskey, I found myself waking up to knock on my door at 3 PM THE NEXT DAY. After assuring my landlord that I was alive, I feel back asleep and woke up on Sunday afternoon.

Attempt #2: Quasi-Fail...While I didn't actually get to go out and meet people, I did learn that I should never drink Chinese whiskey.

I did eventually get to go to the Irish pub and met several interesting people. However, just as I was building on some momentum, I left town for 12 days for my Laos/HK vacation.

After a busy couple of weeks at work, I decided to go out to an expat gathering this weekend. After eating some Papa John's, I changed and headed to the lounge, which luckily for me, is right down the street. I show up and don't see any expats, whatever, not a big deal since it is rather early (10:45 PM) I order a Tsing Tao and walk around the bar...still don't see any expats. I check my phone and confirm that I am indeed at the right lounge. A few minutes later, I get another beer, by this point, it's 11:05 and still not an expat in sight. I know something is wrong, but can't figure it out. I look at the website on my phone and stare at it...then I look at my watch to confirm the time....then it hits me. The expat party is the next day, I'm a day early.

Attempt #3: Fail.

I did end up going back last night to the actual event, the event organizer took pity on me and made it a point to introduce me to several people so I think I'll be fine.

Now I realize the downside of blogging about this is that I sound a bit pathetic, but whatever...if you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point? That being said, I've realized how much I, along with my some of my friends, have reset/lowered expectations when I moved to Wuhan. After visiting the Irish Pub, I messaged Sachin to tell him about my night out...this is what he said..

Sachin: That's good, hopefully you made a friend

Like I said...resetting expectations.

Speaking of resetting expectations, a year ago, seeing dancing condoms would be weird...now...not so much.