Going to a club with your aunt is exactly what you think it'd be like

Over the last 2 years, I’ve unofficially adapted two philosophies that have proven to be keep me fairly content…

1. Don’t make your problem, my problem
2. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward

Over the course of last Saturday night, I managed to get myself into a situation where someone did make their problem, my problem and where I felt incredibly awkward which is surprisingly hard considering the situations I get myself into.

Hyderabad is no Bombay, there about 10 club/lounges in the city that are worth going to. Since this is a small number for such a large city, 20 somethings are forced to share clubs/lounges with adults. The first time I went out in Hyderabad a few years ago, I was talking to a girl in a club…I looked over her shoulder, only to see her mother staring at me with very angry and disgusted eyes.

My family was invited to a club called Touch to celebrate the local cricket team winning the national championship. My uncle and older cousin immediately bailed which forced my aunt and younger cousin to bring me along so we could show up in a respectable number. So rule #1 is broken…my aunt’s problem has suddenly become my problem. I scanned the crowd the minute I walked in, about 75% aunties and uncles and the remainder primarily kids. When I say kids, I say most were 18-22

I eventually get myself a gin & tonic which immediately drew stares from all the moms in the room. I was the only person under the age of 40 who was drinking. I quickly realized that despite being 25, drinking is frowned upon for someone so young. However, if you recall…rule #2 states: It’s only awkward if you make it awkward

If I were a girl, I might have stopped (don’t blame me for the double standards in India) However I rationalized that I am 7 years over the legal drinking age and that I am technically unemployed (more on that later) it’s only fair that I take advantage of the open bar.

****Editor's Note****

I had typed out a great story but Vidya felt it was best that I not post it online. Without going into too much detail, it starts with another gin & tonic, transitions to me getting more dirty stares from parents and feeling incredibly awkward and ends with my aunt coming into my room the next day and very subtly asking if I had a lapse with my moral judgment.

****End Editor's Note****

In a completely different direction, I think one of the things that amuses me about India is the lax regulations.

Public Urination…no problem! Everyday, I count 2-3 men peeing on the side of the bathroom. Now, I understand this if you’re a beggar and have no home. But these are men in dress clothes and in one instance, a suit. They could be discreet and walk 20 feet off the road…but why go through the hassle. Half a foot off the shoulder is more than enough.

Littering…yeah, where do I even start with this one.

Driving on the wrong side of the road….screw lanes, the bigger your car/truck, the more you can do whatever you want.

Drunk Driving…okay, this one isn’t funny at all but in Hyderabad, the fine for a DUI is a whopping 10 U.S. dollars. Sadly, if you get caught, you can probably just bribe the cop for less.

Car Insurance – Everyone in India is required to have car insurance but the chances of actually getting money in your pocket is slim to none. Last week on the way to work, an auto taxi ran into my car. There was a little damage on the bumper. My driver got out of the car, yelled at the auto driver and then figuring that we’ll never get money for the damages, decided that we only had one option…he leaned into the auto and slapped the guy across the face.

3 days later, a drunk driver ran into my parked car as I was getting out and busted a taillight.

Karma man, karma.