My trip abroad to...America.

Before I begin…2 things that I feel compelled to address.

A lot of you are complaining my blog isn’t as funny or as entertaining anymore. I’m not sure if you have me confused for someone else…just because I moved to a new country doesn’t mean I’m suddenly a witty, funny person who is the life of the party. Still me.

Second, everyone has been giving me a hard time about Katrina Kaif. The feedback so far has been that she looks like a man. I know she’s not the most beautiful person in the world…but seriously comparing her to a man? That’s a bit harsh. Just to satisfy the masses…Anne Hathaway, we can all agree she’s pretty. And even though I can’t stand her…Priyanka Chopra.

I was back in America for the last week since Sachin was getting married. Before I really start this post...I spoke at Sachin's wedding. While I was happy to be speaking, I quickly realized that I had been set-up by Sachin. Ruchi's brother gave one of the most ridiculous wedding speeches I have seen...almost straight out of a movie. As her brother spoke, I kept on thinking "I am screwed (and if my mom didn't read my blog, I would insert a much more inappropriate word here), no way I can top that" And sure enough, I was correct. The only way I could have had a better speech is I somehow I cured cancer, gained the ability to shoot lasers and had kittens play with small balls.

Okay, I'm going to really start the post...I spent 5 days in Cleveland and 4 days in Boston. Although I’ve only been in India for 3 months, I have to admit it was a bit weird being back.

As soon as I landed at JFK, I noticed a few things right away. Flying in the U.S. is one of the most painful things a traveler has to go through. Middle Eastern airlines such as Qatar and Emirates go out of their way to make your experience a good one, Indian airlines are pretty good and you can tell they’re trying. American airlines on the other hand actively go out of their way to screw you and to make your life miserable. I flew American Airlines from Boston to London, the plane was so small that my messenger bag barely fit into the overhead bin.

I was also quickly reminded that I’m short. While 5’7 isn’t tall by Indian standards, I am taller than 98% of all girls in India by a few inches. Plus, it’s socially acceptable for Indian guys to wear shoes with a lift. While not many guys do it, I have seen several instances of guys wearing shoes with 2 inch heels. If I could manage to wear those shoes and still look myself in the mirror, I would do it but I don’t think I could take myself seriously and plus, I don’t really care that much. While I was home, I felt like I was roaming in a land full of giants. Girls in heels towered over me which is something I don’t encounter here.

Something I haven’t mentioned in prior posts is that I’ve become an expert facebook stalker. Since I don’t want to lose touch with people, I’m always on facebook talking to people or checking out profiles. I think a few friends were creeped out that I basically knew everything going on in their lives even though I’ve been gone for a while. It was slightly awkward for me too, when you’re talking to someone in the flesh, you can’t just start talking to another friend in mid-sentence because you’re bored with the original conversation. Plus, you have to spend a lot more time with people to find out interesting stuff…maybe I’ll just stick to status updates and photos.

When I first moved to India, the plan was to stay for 3-4 months, however I decided to take on some additional work which will delay my move to China to January. The biggest problem with this decision is that my friends back home have been introducing me to others as “Vijay, my friend from India” I immediately have to explain that I’m not really from India but I’m just transitioning through the country. I’ve even volunteered to let people smell my armpits to prove that I use deodorant, something a real Indian would never do. However, it didn’t seem like I was able to convince everyone which is a bit concerning.

There were a lot of little things I realized I missed such as eating outside at a street café (non-existent here…closest thing we have are a few hotels that have outdoor seating) or watching Hulu. Also, I didn’t feel compelled to call someone while driving 60 mph for more than 10 seconds, something which rarely happens in India. Speaking of driving, I really miss the concept of lanes. It was refreshing to know that a 20 mile drive on a highway would take make me 20 mins, not 45 mins…all because people followed traffic laws.

Coming back to America was also reassuring because over the last few months I’ve started doubting my ability to strike up conversations with new people. While I have met some cool and interesting people in India, a lot of my conversations here are like pulling teeth. I started to think it was me but after being here for the last week, I realized it’s not me…it’s almost everyone in India.

I won’t be back in America until next May which is kind of freaking me out. I had to buy a bunch of new clothes since I’m not a fan of anything in Hyderbad…not that things are horribly out of style here but it seems like guys here are really in the fitted graphic tee phase. Plus, I can’t find little things such as chapstick or non-scented deodorant, so had to load up on that as well. Of course the one thing I will really miss is good food. I can get excellent Indian food here but Western food just isn’t the same…I'm fairly confident that I have borderline mercury poisoning from all the sushi I ate over the last 9 days. To top it off, when I was in London, I fulfilled a goal I’ve always had…sat down at the Caviar House and drank some champagne and ate caviar.

On my flight back to India, I kept on telling myself that a few more months in India won’t be bad and time will fly, especially since I’ll be really busy with work.

What happens next? An Indian guy on the plane gets drunk and starts arguing with the flight attendant when she asks him to put on his seatbelt, we land and an Indian grandma pushes me and cuts me in the immigration line and I come home to see that someone stained a shirt I really like.

January can’t come soon enough.